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Tune in: @Curious Conversation on How to Raise an Adult #Parenting

Curious Conversation on How to Raise an Adult,

 

Now that my boys are teens, I realize one of the biggest challenges of parenting is not raising an child, instead it is raising an adult. Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, has a common sense approach to this challenge. This Thursday,July 23 at 6:30 PM PT Julie will share insights about how to prepare kids to be their best selves and raise them to be happy, healthy and successful adults. Best yet, anyone can tune in for free at Curious.com, RSVP to the VIRTUAL CONVERSATION. HERE :“Curious Conversation” with Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, taking place this Thursday, July 23 at 6:30 PM PT

 

Julie Lythcott-Haims has a relevant background to speak in this area:

  • Mother of two children
  • Worked as a lawyer for 4 years prior to becoming dean
  • 14 years total working as administrator at Stanford (Dean at Stanford Law School, Assist. to the President, Dean of Freshmen and Undergraduate Advising)

 

Here is the publisher summary of her book,”How To Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success”: In How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims draws on research, on conversations with admissions officers, educators, and employers, and on her own insights as a mother and as a student dean to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms children, their stressed-out parents, and society at large. While empathizing with the parental hopes and, especially, fears that lead to overhelping, Lythcott-Haims offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success. Relevant to parents of toddlers as well as of twentysomethings-and of special value to parents of teens-this book is a rallying cry for those who wish to ensure that the next generation can take charge of their own lives with competence and confidence. Book published by Henry Holt and Company, LLC. Copyright © 2015.
 

Being a parent in Silicon Valley, it’s especially difficult to not fall into the helicopter parenting trap. There is so much pressure on kids to reach unattainable goals in school academics and after-school sports. Some kids even kick-off their own tech start-up while still in high school (seriously!). Unfortunately, this leads to kids being over-scheduled and over-stressed, bringing tension to the whole family limiting the free time needed for them to develop  strong resilience and independence prior to leaving for college. When I read perspectives by Julie Lythcott-Haims on these challenges it is like a breath of fresh air, helping parents focus on what is really important. I look forward to tuning in for the Curious Conversation this Thursday July 23!

 

What are your biggest parenting challenges when it comes to raising your “adult”?

 

 

 

Shuddle Rideshare Service For Families (Discount Code!)

Disclosure: Sponsored post. See below for special Shuddle discount code for Techmamas readers!

 

Shuddle

One of the biggest challenges for families is the minute by minute, ever-changing scheduling of driving kids to and from school, after school activities and everything in between. With a mix of minimum days, school holidays, after school activities, homework, sick days, sports and medical appointments, no two days are the same. Assembling a weekly transportation schedule is like putting together one of those 1,000 piece puzzles, and while I’m a master project planner (My Parent Plan), scheduling can be a challenge.

 

I decided several years ago to work out of the home for several reasons, including the flexibility to drive my kids around. Now that my three boys are getting older and I can keep track of their location by calling their phones, I feel the time is right to go back to working outside the home.  As I am planning this transition I realize the biggest challenge is transportation for my tween sons (twins). Several of my friends confirmed that they, too, have the same problem.

 

Shuddle

Photo credit: Shuddle

 

When Shuddle contacted me to work together on a (disclosure) sponsored post, I said, “How did you know that I have been looking into transportation options?”  The fact they contacted me happened to be a coincidence because I had independently planned to try their service. Shuddle is a rideshare service designed specifically to transport busy families with drivers that have caregiver experience. They undergo an extensive verification process (national criminal background checks, motor vehicle records check, employer reference checks,  in-person training and vehicle inspection), plus live monitoring and support for every ride.  I started my transportation hunt by looking into hiring a driver on my own, but the verification process was complicated and some information was hard to find. Shuddle’s verification process is a huge benefit.

 

The steps to start using Shuddle and scheduling a ride are straightforward.  The flexibility of having  until midnight to book a ride for the next day is helpful.  One key requirement is that riders must have a mobile phone in order for drivers to reach them. Even if your kids don’t currently have phones, there are a great selection of budget basic prepaid phones that have the ability to call and text. All of my kids started out with those types of phones anyway. Shuddle currently operates in the San Francisco Bay Area (Marin, Berkeley, Oakland, San Francisco, Burlingame, San Jose, Palo Alto, Menlo Park and Mountain View).

 

Shuddle Mobile App

Photo credit: Shuddle

 

Shuddle has an iOS and an Android app to enable managing and scheduling rides easily on the go.

 

As much as the transportation features offer great value, I also appreciate the flexible employment opportunities Shuddle is providing to women. Here are some of the interesting facts about  Shuddle:

  • “Shuddle has given thousands of rides and has a community of more than 200 female drivers, 80% of which are mothers themselves.
  • In contrast to other companies garnering praise for having 30% of their workforce composed of women (Lyft), Shuddle’s  community of all women drivers is unprecedented.
  • Shuddle is one of the only companies in which women are at the forefront of the ride sharing economy and is proud to be presenting an economic opportunity for them.
  • To make money with other rideshares, you really need to drive Friday and Saturday nights, and so there are understandably concerns about safety. That isn’t the case with Shuddle and whose value proposition speaks strongly  to women.
  • Shuddle rides can be scheduled by midnight the day before, giving drivers the opportunity to know who they are driving before they get in their car.
  • There are no late-night rides or rides with potentially threatening customers, etc.

 

***********DISCOUNT OFFER TO TECHMAMAS READERS***************************

 

If you would like to try Shuddle, use the code TECHMAMAS to have one free ride up to $20 in value

 

To sign up, CLICK HERE to load either the Shuddle iOS or Android Shuddle app.

 

To learn more about Shuddle (such as passenger requirements, driver screening and the ride experience), visit: http://shuddle.us.

 

 

Disclosure: Sponsored post. My words are my own.

 

 

 

 

Kurbo Health App Empowers Kids To Eat Healthy

Kurbo Health App

 

 

A top concern shared by the parents of growing children is making sure their kids eat healthy and exercise frequently. But distinguishing healthy food as well as empowering and educating kids to choose healthy options is a real challenge. Teens and pre-teens enjoy sports but may not understand what amount of exercise is needed each day. My kids are open to eating healthy but are more attracted to unhealthy foods (as many kids are). We serve healthy foods at home but at times it come off as “nagging” parents. We want our kids to understand the importance of healthy foods and make good choices on their own, so we started involving our kids in the process of cooking while exposing them to healthy food choices at home and at restaurants. In the end, what was missing was the link between eating healthy, exercise and maintaining a healthy weight. With diabetes and heart issues in our extended families health history, it was important to link all this together.

 

 

Kurbo - Traffic Light Food Classification System

Photo Credit: Kurbo

This summer I signed up to beta test a new app called Kurbo,  which is based off of the Traffic Light Classification System developed at Stanford University. The Traffic Light System, that many parents have already seen in nutrition books, separates foods into either red, yellow or green. Green foods (GO) are the healthier foods you can eat more often, be cautious with yellow foods (Slow Down) and red foods need to be limited each day (Stop and Think). Kurbo also has a personalized approach which includes the use of live coaches to assist in the overall  process of setting and monitoring goals for each child. There are also games and videos to help educate and entertain along the way.

 

For example, some kids may have goals focused on losing weight while others will have goals focused on learning the components of eating healthy and how much exercise they need each day (like my twin boys). While I kept asking my boys to make sure they were eating their vegetables, they did not really understand how much they needed. Even though healthy options like Avocado were in the red category, we also wanted them to learn the difference between healthy and non healthy fats – and the need to watch the overall amount of fat each day in a balanced diet. With exercise, they did not understand the concept that just playing sports once or twice a week was enough exercise. Some sports do not even provide that much real exercise. One example is baseball, a sport I later learned exercise instructors call “the lazy sport”.

 

 

 

Kurbo Health App

Photo Credit: Kurbo

 

 

Here is how Kurbo works:

“1. Track foods & activities with our app:  Kurbo’s fun, easy-to-use app helps children and teens track what they eat, as well as how much they exercise. Each time your child enters a food, it’s classified using our clinically acclaimed traffic light system. The app also has virtual coaching and introduces important concepts such as food classification, portion size, and planning ahead with videos, games, weekly challenges, and messages.

2. Increase success with live text or video coaching: Kurbo’s human coaching gives your child the opportunity to have one of our weight loss experts interact with your child. The coach uses the data your child enters in to the mobile app each week to review your child’s food and exercise choices from the previous week, then makes actionable suggestions—including concrete goals—for the week ahead.

3.  Measure, track, improve, and enjoy your new life: Tracking food and exercise in conjunction with meeting goals will ensure that this is a true lifestyle change. The goal of Kurbo is to make it so you don’t need Kurbo again.”

 

 

Here is a link to the Kurbo page where they show success stories.

 

We had a busy summer so we only had a short time to beta test. But even using Kurbo’s app plus personalized coaching for a short time helped kick off my twin boy’s abililty to manage their own healthy habits. I enjoyed that I could step out of the process and let their coach give them tips.  Kurbo helped them learn that they were not eating enough fruits and vegetables each day. The app also helped them see they were not always getting the minimum 30 minutes of exercise each day, which made them find new ways to exercise to reach their goals.  One of my son’s requested to have an exercise routine planned out by a fitness trainer so that we can start working out as a family.

 

Exercise

 

 

Next we started making “mix your own ingredients” salads, soups and stews so we could eat a healthy dinner that everyone could enjoy. We even experimented with vegan options such as smoked tempeh and veggie sausage.

 

 

A photo posted by BethB (@techmamas) on

 

 

Then we made a goal of cooking healthy as a fun family event. So we started cooking more at home together and signed up for cooking classes we could take together.

 

A photo posted by BethB (@techmamas) on

 

 

We also decided that although the school lunches had healthy options, they did not have enough fruits and vegetables included (we learned with the Kurbo food tracking features). This inspired me to start making my twin boys their own school lunches loaded with fruit and vegetables. While this is a time investment, it has high ROI because my kids end up eating healthy, are full and energized to make it through the school day. I will be creating a series of posts (coming soon) with the pictures and information on the fun and easy school lunches that my kids actually enjoy! They even ask me when choosing food at restaurants which dishes have enough fruits and vegetables.

 

A photo posted by BethB (@techmamas) on

 

 

 

The Kurbo App helped guide our family to start making healthy changes with strategies to reach our goals.  We only had the opportunity to use Kurbo during the beta phase so we can’t wait to try the app again to reach new goals!

 

 

Disclosure: This is a press post.

 

 

 

 

Screen Smart Parenting

Screen-Smart ParentingOne of the top questions I get from readers is how to control their kid’s screen time. Now that kids have access not only to computers but also smartphones, tablets and other devices it is even more challenging to set up a system to help them be safe and limit the time they spend using devices.  I have explained in many of my posts that I believe helping your kids control their screen time and understanding internet safety starts with age appropriate and regular family communication on those topics.

 

 

Jodi Gold MD is a child and adolescent psychiatrist that has a unique perspective, especially when it comes to family communication! When I found out that she just wrote a book called SCREEN-SMART PARENTING: Screen-Smart Parenting: How to Find Balance and Benefit in Your Child’s Use of Social Media, Apps, and Digital Devices (Guilford Press, November 1, 2014, paperback) that had research and practical strategies, I wanted to find out more.

 

 

 

Screen Smart Parenting Jodi Gold MD1.       What motivated you to write SCREEN-SMART PARENTING?

 

Jodi Gold, MD: “I am a child and adolescent psychiatrist.  Every day, I went to work and listened to my patients.  A theme began to emerge.   This one got dumped on text and that one was playing too much World of Warcraft.  Parents were worried that their kids were distracted during homework and increasingly concerned about how their children presented themselves online.  Then I went to pick up my younger children (aged 5, 7, 9) at school and this mom was concerned about too much TV and that one was upset that her 4 year old could navigate an iPhone. I realized that if I listened carefully, I couldn’t make it through the day professionally or personally without confronting the realities of our changing digital landscape.  I wasn’t startled that technology was ubiquitous or that current parents are the last generation of digital immigrants.   I was surprised at the fear and ignorance. Parents, teachers and families were constantly fearful and distrustful.  I went looking for answers on how to embrace technology and use it for good, but found little guidance.

 

At the same time, I had been presenting nationally about treatments for ADHD.  A senior editor from Guilford Publishers approached me about writing a book for parents about ADHD.  I really felt like there were many good books about ADHD already on the market.  I was convinced that the Guilford editors would think that I was scattered and crazy but I told them that I really wanted to write a handbook for raising kids in the changing digital world.  I wanted to reach both physicians and parents.  I had begun to talk about the digital world with my patients and their families within a developmental framework.  We spoke about when children should be reading, making friends and going out alone.  Theses are all normal parts of growing up.  I realized that reading an e-book, getting a phone and creating a social media profile were also part of growing up but we didn’t have any graphs, charts or handbooks.  I wanted to write a book that looked at the existing research and offered concrete recommendations based on an understanding of research and child development.  Guilford didn’t think that I was crazy and they agreed to publish it before I wrote the first page.”

 

 

2.    Tell us about how you brought your background in as a doctor to helping explain these issues?

 

 

Jodi Gold, MD: “Both the Academy of Pediatrics and the Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry have begun to weigh in on parenting in the digital age.  It is critical that physicians make this a priority for research and policy.  I believe that we should be adding “digital milestones” to our list of developmental milestones and challenges.  I hope that Screen Smart Parenting will deepen the dialogue on raising digital citizens in both the medical and parental world.

 

In medicine, we base our decisions and approaches on double blind longitudinal studies.  When they are not available, we do our best find evidence based research.  The goal is to use sound research to support our medical treatments and decisions.  In pediatrics, we view everything on a developmental framework.  Children are not little adults.  We need to understand children and adolescents from a developmental lens.  We misperceive and mistreat children if we apply adult rules to them.  In psychiatry, we use what is called the bio-psycho-social model.   This means that we try to understand children and adults in a multi-faceted way that encompasses genetics, psychology and the realities of family and home life.  In psychology, we understand human behavior so we can develop incentives and plans that help children internalize healthy behaviors.  We need to use this knowledge as we build behavior plans and create consequences around digital devices.    I used these basic principles from research, medicine and psychology to write Screen Smart Parenting.  I believe that it is one of the first books on this topic written within a medical model from the standpoint of a practicing clinician.”

 

3.   What is screen smart parenting and what areas does your book discuss?

 

Jodi Gold, MD: “Screen Smart Parents are parents who are thoughtful and communicative about managing digital technology.  They want to cultivate online resilience which scientists increasingly feel is linked to happiness and success in life.  They want to instill in their children the tenets of digital citizenship.  Eventually, screen smart parents will have the experience of being digital natives and citizens.  Right now, most of us are digital immigrants with newly stamped passports and limited command of the digital language.  Screen Smart parents do not need a Ph.D. in computer science but they need to check their fear and be willing to learn from and with their children.

 

In Screen Smart Parenting, I ask parents to figure out their parenting style, understand the digital landscape and develop a family technology plan.  In order to parent your children through the digital landscape, you need to understand your family culture and your own relationship with technology. It’s important to understand the developmental evolution of the use of digital technology: what happens at what age. It’s also essential to get a feel for how digital technology is actually used today by children and adolescents.  In the book, I write about how technology does affect your child’s development.  I also introduce the hot topics that monopolize our conversations from the iBlankie to the proverbial 5 minutes of Facebook fame.  In the second part of the book, I write about different age groups, each of which explains how digital technology intersects with what your child needs to achieve during those years and how you can promote technology as a tool to support, not hinder, healthy development. In the third section, I take a more sophisticated look at children who need more attention and parental involvement and may exhibit red flags for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, and depression. These “orchid” children may need extra care and modified digital parameters.  In the conclusion, I used my experience with behavioral interventions and plans, to give parents the tools to build a realistic and effective family technology plan.  I offer age-appropriate templates and suggestions on how to trouble shoot.  The goal is to build a family plan that includes your children’s voice in finding balance and using technology as a tool.”

 

 

4. What’s the right age for a phone/smartphone/social media access?

 

Jodi Gold, MD: “This is a personal family decision but I can give you some guidelines as a mother, physician and expert in this field.  Your child will eventually own a smartphone so the question is not “if” but when.  You should give your child a phone when he/she truly “needs” one.  Most kids get their phones and smartphones between the ages of 11 and 14 years of age.  Here is a list of reasons for why you might choose to give your child a phone prior to the age of 11.

  • Parents are divorced and the child would like to have more control over his or her communication with the non-custodial parent, and/or there is shuttling back and forth.  A phone may help with the transition between two households
  • A child is taking long bus rides and needs to communicate with parents for some reason
  • The child has a chronic medical condition and needs a phone in case there is an urgent need to reach parents and caregivers
  • The child has a psychiatric or medical condition that causes her to miss a lot of school.  A phone may help to keep in touch with friends and teachers

It is likely that this decision will be somewhat driven by community/peer pressure.  It is important for parents to be thoughtful about when and how they introduce a phone.  A phone should be introduced in a developmental way (especially if you are giving a child a phone at a younger age).

*I can talk more about social media but similar rules apply.  However, there is some social media that is targeted for young children.  I encourage interested children to start with child-friendly sites before they move onto Twitter and Instagram.”

 

 

For more information, check out her website Screen Smart Parenting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moms With Apps Survery Results: Thoughts On Kid’s Apps

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by Moms With Apps and The Motherhood. All opinions are my own.

 

 

As parents we want our kids to engage with technology in a positive way that inspires learning as well as entertainment. The challenge is helping our kids choose appropriate apps and setting screen time limits. Moms With Apps is a website that offers information about kids apps, including How To Choose Apps For Kids. I have twin 11 year old boys that like using their tablets or my smartphone for their screen time. I use resources like Mom With Apps to help me – help them – choose appropriate apps for their age and also apps that will inspire creativity, learning or just wholesome fun. Just this morning at a doctor’s appointment I searched for Math apps my son could play with while we were waiting.  My concerns related to apps are to make sure they are age inappropriate but also not just simple time wasters. I would rather help my kids use the powerful technology tools they have to enhance their lives, a lesson that they can take to adulthood.

 

 

Mom With Apps just finished a survey of more then 450 parents around the country with their app questions and concerns. The results are interesting so I wanted to share them!

 

 

 

Moms With Apps Survey

 

Here are some of the specific findings from their press release:

 

  • 96% of parents believe that apps are beneficial to their child’s education and development.

    Moms With Apps provides parents with the ability search for trustworthy apps in a variety of different subject areas, including science, math, reading and critical thinking.  

  • 87% of parents report that ​they are concerned about ​their​ children ​making in-app purchases, and 81% say they worry about app​s​ ​​collect​ing​​ their children’s​personal information.

    Founded by parents who love using technology with their own kids, Moms With Apps only features developers who have committed to high standards for protecting kids’ privacy and building great family-friendly apps – and Moms With Apps always makes it quick and easy to Know What’s Inside every app they feature so that parents can decide if it’s right for their kids.

  • When selecting apps for their children, the three key issues for parents ​are: 1) the age-appropriateness of the app​;​ ​2) ​if it’s engaging for their child​;​ and ​3) ​if the app protects their child’s privacy.

    Moms With Apps gives parents simple tools to find the right apps for their kids. Just like nutrition labels help parents decide which snack is right for their kids, Moms With Apps provides parents with information up-front and in plain English to help them decide which app is right for their kids.

  • Parents feel they waste time looking for the right apps for their kids. 49% report the process as “moderately” to “very hard.”

    With more than one million apps to choose from, it can be hard to find the right apps for kids – and even harder to know if the app their kid loves is one they can trust. Moms With Apps is the only resource for parents who want to find great, trustworthy apps for their children.

     

 

What are your thoughts and concerns about children’s apps?